“… and we are in bed together laughing and we don’t care about anything.” – Charles Bukowsky In chemical reactions, the entropy of a system is used to measure the amount of disorder in the system. The more the reactants in the system are shuffled, the disorder increases. Take a deck of perfectly ordered cards, […]
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Désordre De La Réaction

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“… and we are in bed together
laughing
and we don’t care
about anything.” – Charles Bukowsky

In chemical reactions, the entropy of a system is used to measure the amount of disorder in the system. The more the reactants in the system are shuffled, the disorder increases. Take a deck of perfectly ordered cards, the more often the deck is shuffled, the more disordered it becomes. If you think about it, my life, as well, can be explained with respect to these random two parameters: chemical reactions and card games.

When I was younger, my life had perfect order, my days were split into units of time, doing my chores in great precision, prioritizing all I had to do, I went to college, finished my BS, got a decent job. I dove into the real world, and I had to learn how to shuffle. I thought it was a trick I could easily learn, but being an A student wasn’t really helpful when it came down to relationships, struggles and difficulties. Lately I began to have the feeling I was cornered, that I had to figure out everything in a short amount of time, and that maybe, just maybe I wasn’t as great at handling everything as I thought I would be.

In chemistry lab, you learn to manage unbalanced chemical reactions, to get them to equilibrium, to avoid time lapses. As much skilled that I was in decreasing the entropy, in making it null, in getting the reaction to be almost perfectly ordered, I was a lousy card player. While shuffling the cards, every time I got to the waterfall, when I bent the cards they would always fall apart. When playing I had no sense of time, I didn’t know when to play what card, and I stood dumbfounded in front of the majesty of tricks and cheats everyone around me used so well.

Time was running, and my life was in perpetual rotation, I am no longer able to take a grip on anything. What I thought I was sure of, turned out to be what I questioned most, I fell into despair, I couldn’t make a complete chain of thoughts. The cards are falling one by one, the queen of spades is torn under the desk. The reactants in the test tube boiling and making one big mess. Oh catalyst where art thou?!

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