There’s this day when I’m with you floating freely above the clouds, as light as a feather… My past comes to fish me out of my heaven, the forbidden fruit, wise as I tried to be, I didn’t take it, not one bite, its aroma filled my nostrils though and I was sickened, and I […]
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Hate is Love

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There’s this day when I’m with you floating freely above the clouds, as light as a feather… My past comes to fish me out of my heaven, the forbidden fruit, wise as I tried to be, I didn’t take it, not one bite, its aroma filled my nostrils though and I was sickened, and I find hate is just as strong as love, and maybe stronger,

And maybe what I really feel is love.

And this doublethink makes me believe they are the same,

Hate and love.

They both consume our lives, until we see nothing else.

Perhaps I really hated him all that time, and merely could not tell the difference.

Vicious, manipulative, arrogant and selfish Him I can say his name now,  for he is nothing.

I no longer need to protect him, no longer care who knows what he has done.

He is nothing.

Yes. I must have been confused. I hated him, never loved him. That time never passed. I have not loved. That did not happen. The past was not as I recall it to be.

Sometimes all you need is to repeat the story in your memory, go back to the beginning and fast-forward to the end. You look back on things and you realize you never paid attention for those first signs of trouble, never really had to because you shielded yourself from them, you only kept the good stuff, intact and polished.

Now, go back there. Wipe them out, replace them with the real details, the worst of your past.

I never loved, that did not happen, I only felt terrible.. Sadness, heartache, and anguish.

I wipe the trickling tears, and hold back those struggling to come out.

It is a different time now. The past has changed, and with it the present and the future. I never been at war, I was in peace now.

A new season will start, fields will be green, and flowers will flourish. And there, in the shade of a big oak tree, we both shall sit side by side, filling our memories with long conversations of nothing and everything, of hopes and dreams, of love and desire.

Because that’s how I love you, because I hated, because of your passion, because you found my switch and turned it back on.

Because I’ve locked myself away from itself for too long, and you had the key with you all along.

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