They say that no matter how long a hug lasts, it never lasts long enough. Growing up, I’ve never been much of a hugger, not big on showing any kind of emotion actually; I thought that distancing yourself from everyone around you keeps you safe, strong and unbreakable. I thought wrong. When I gave up […]
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Insomnia

They say that no matter how long a hug lasts, it never lasts long enough. Growing up, I’ve never been much of a hugger, not big on showing any kind of emotion actually; I thought that distancing yourself from everyone around you keeps you safe, strong and unbreakable. I thought wrong. When I gave up being detached, I learned that the sweetest joys are found in the simplest acts, so elementary to my happiness; his smile, the way his eyes twitched when he laughed, his intense focused gaze, his quiet observation and protectiveness.

Experiencing intense emotions was such a new alien territory, thud sound in my ears, thumping in my chest, fluttering in my heart. Hugging was the best way to tell people you love them without having to say anything, so I’ve been having that urge lately, every time I saw you, I just wanted to run to you, put my arms around you, and hug you.

A hug that could last a lifetime, one that I would pour into all the love, all the aching, and all the yearning. I would hug you so tight to bring back all my broken pieces together, feel the pain wash away from my heart, heaviness roll down the floor and leave my system. I would stand there so still, so lost in my void, unaware of my surroundings, only breathing in your smell, feeling your warmth; clutching to you as my anchor to life, a survival vest or a life jacket. I would hold on to you as if it was the last time I saw you, as if it was our last goodbye. I shake myself up, tear it apart, and rearrange it in a way that I can no longer recognize myself, totally numb, losing myself completely in you.

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