“Even if she be not harmed, her heart may fail her in so much and so many horrors; and hereafter she may suffer–both in waking, from her nerves, and in sleep, from her dreams.” – Bram Stoker, Dracula  I woke up, startled, my head too heavy to lift, my body shaking, and I could feel the […]
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Never Believed In Unicorns

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“Even if she be not harmed, her heart may fail her in so much and so many horrors; and hereafter she may suffer–both in waking, from her nerves, and in sleep, from her dreams.” – Bram Stoker, Dracula 

I woke up, startled, my head too heavy to lift, my body shaking, and I could feel the pain in my chest growing from where the bruise was supposed to take place.

It was another nightmare; for which I could not trace a beginning but ended with my screaming and howling at the top of my lungs while I flew into the glass front of an old car. A shiver still went down my spine, every time I recalled the scene, so lucid, and I still had to work my throbbing brain that what happened was not part of my reality, but a figment of my mind and a slip of my unconsciousness. I jumped out of bed, into the kitchen to have a cold glass of water and painkiller, the headache was getting worse with every passing moment. When I took hold of my surroundings, I was still uneasy about standing up, and still not fully calculated and aware of things around me.

I went back, shocked of what I just saw, of the atrocity of it all, of how things could hunt us down to our sleep, to sneakily appear and shake the moments of peace we so desperately thrived for in our dreams, to deliver messages about what we chose to let go of. Dreams of this sort usually mean that we have unresolved issues in our emotional life, and until I got to the bottom of these things, stood up to them and conquered my feelings, these nightmares were a recurring visitor in my sleeping hours, and my fears of being hurt or destroyed would keep emerging in all kinds and shapes, shifting from one loved person to another, taking the forms of the closest people to my heart.

I had forgotten before what they used to say, that when we felt the need to control something and failed, that thing ended up controlling us, stand up and take matters in your own hands, I have never believed in unicorns nor have I dreamed of having one, I was a warrior princess, and I was determined to win the next battle in my wonderland, some sleeping powder, though, would have gone well with my drowsiness.

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