Just as Morrissey’s song from the smiths is criminally crucially short, so are all the good times in life. Moments. Figments. Specks. When I let the hype fall down, the good feelings wash away, the momentary satisfaction slip through my fingers, I dive once again into the deep vicious cycle of melancholy, sweet melancholy, almost […]
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So please, please, please…

Home / Late night thoughts / So please, please, please…

Just as Morrissey’s song from the smiths is criminally crucially short, so are all the good times in life. Moments. Figments. Specks. When I let the hype fall down, the good feelings wash away, the momentary satisfaction slip through my fingers, I dive once again into the deep vicious cycle of melancholy, sweet melancholy, almost irresistible not to taste, not to indulge in its rush. You’d think sometimes that I actually enjoy it, running through my veins, consuming my spirit, dark and thick, reverberating in me shades of that je ne sais quoi. I can’t actually put my finger on it, but it gets me going, venturing new places and territories, breaking my boundaries, going out of myself, then that rush goes away, and unlike a drug, I go into a state of bliss, the rose that blossoms after massive destruction, my lips twitch into that smile again, and I’m me again, funny, loving, caring, and nonchalant to my surroundings me.

Haven’t had a dream in a long time, see the life I’ve had can make a good man bad…

Some of my dreams I can barely remember these days, it’s like when I wake up in the morning and I can recall nothing, most of my childhood fantasies and goals are wiped out; they might be safely stored somewhere deep in my unconscious mind, to me it’s as if they never existed, I’m used to adapting to the moment, not to expect much, not to wait for anything better to happen, what I have here and now is enough, satisfaction with what you currently have needs work, and though everyone might think I’ve crushed my dreams and high hopes, actually I feel like I’m getting to what I’ve always wanted in my own unorthodox way, at the end, happiness is not a goal, it’s a journey…

So please, please, please, let me get what I want, Lord knows it would be the first time…

I’ve always wondered about what I want, and when I knew, that I couldn’t get. Ever since childhood, I always got what I needed, in the right amounts, at the right times, never short of anything, but never also full; not going materialistic, everything from my soul within and outside to my belongings, my life went at equilibrium.. So and for the first time, I just let go of thinking about what I wanted, and worked to get it: destroying that equilibrium everyone around me, myself included, worked for me to meet. Melancholy and happiness are at the two sides of scale I carry, simultaneously weighing up and down, more of this, less of that.

It ends, replay, sing it twice, taste it better, indulge in the happy moment to the fullest, til I had enough.

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