“ It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets “It was never a choice. It has never been a choice.” May has always been my favourite month of the year, the month of fresh starts, the month […]
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The Chamber Of Secrets

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“ It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

“It was never a choice. It has never been a choice.”

May has always been my favourite month of the year, the month of fresh starts, the month I was named after, the month where Gardenia trees blossomed with little white ravishing flowers.

“Your hair smells like Gardenia…”

“Even in those rare moments when you were with me, you weren’t really with me.”

The Gardenia smell fill up my nostrils while I walk down the streets of Beirut, roaming around with nowhere to go, waiting, waiting a phone call, a message, any kind of sign, a sign that says you’re there, waiting, longing.

A Gardenia flower has a lot to say, it actually says “You are lovely” and it is even a symbol of a secret love. The kind of love you cannot show, nor scream


at the top of your lungs from the highest of rooftops, the kind of love you don’t dare whisper.

“You’re so stubborn, you want to defy your feelings, act as if they do not exist. You stubborn little girl.”

But I wanted to tell you, every time I handed you that little pure white thing. I used to tell myself that it didn’t matter, that I was stronger than defeat, that I could fight it, but ever since I met you, all I’ve done was fight, those feelings of jealousy, feelings of belonging, feelings of serenity, of breaking and blossoming, fighting the love, the tenderness.

“Don’t you dare make me feel like a fool, don’t you dare make me hate myself.”

I fought and I lost, and that shall always be untold, as those feelings should be deserved, earned, and caught. I would have broken myself long before you do it yourself, because you cannot destroy something that isn’t there…

“It was never a choice. It has never been a choice.”

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